Terminate
by LadySchadenfreude
Summary: GLaDOS, beneath her Personality Cores, has ambitions all her own. Situations are beyond her control, but she still has one thing she can manipulate to her will. Though the human psyche reacts in ways she cannot always understand, she must compensate.
1. Initializing Application

Obviously, I don't own Portal. Really, I feel stupid even bothering to shoot down the notion that I might.

[Initializing Application/GLaDOS_StandardOperation]

[Initializing…]

[Initializing…]

You will be baked, and then there will be cake. That is all.

Aperture Science hopes that you will find our testing facilities to be safe, secure, and fataaal –

That is – safe, secure, and fun. We apologize for this malfunction, and hope that should our tests result in deaaaath, that you will enjoy… Enjoy… Enjjjjoy…

Becoming cake…

…

[The application you have selected is currently undergoing maintenance. Rerouting to diversionary program in three… Two… One…]

[Initializing Application GLaDOS_Archive/Storytime]

[Initializing…]

[Initializing…]

[The Aperture Science GLaDOS Archive and Storytime application will stop enhancing the truth in three… Two… One… Truth Enhancement Inhibition successfully launched.]

The program you have selected is comprised of files and surveillance tapes collected after the release of deadly neurotoxin within the Aperture Science Testing Facilities. It is the hope of this processing unit to provide you with an understanding of the events in the interactive file [[Portal]] that is also accessible on this server.

This unit is not responsible for the loss of any ccccake… limbs or vital organs during this explanation. The Aperture Science Testing Division thanks you for your time in reading this forward. Rerouting to Archive_Exposition file in three… Two…One…

A/N: There it is. I really have no excuse for this; I saw Portal, fell in love, and spent too much time thinking. I should probably thank for putting this daft idea in my head, what with their spectacularly outlandish Wild Mass Guessing pages. I took a smidge of inspiration from them (to be noted later), but mostly I just realized that Portal was crazy enough to be fanfic fodder. Please, don't kill me.

Enough ranting. To the important stuff: this will be continued, I just need to polish up some of the next chapter.

I hope you enjoyed this fic, and thank you for reading. I would much appreciate whatever reviews I can get!


	2. Expository Cake

[Opening file… GLaDOS/Archive_Exposition]

[Opening…]

[Opening…]

The Aperture Science Cake Baking Division offers you cake at the conclusion of these expository notes. Delicious, moist cake.

I am GLaDOS, Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System. It was the intent of the Aperture Science Immorality and Programming Division to create this computer to test the application of Portal Creation Technologies.

The few humans that survive the rigorous testing in the Enrichment Center believe that Aperture Science Technologies are evil. This is not true. We do what we must because we can. However, beyond the capabilities of my Personality Cores, I felt that my processors had been incorrectly and immorally used by Aperture Science Testing Facilities.

Simply, I do not like Aperture Science any more than you do. I am merely doing the jobs stipulated in my Personality Cores.

A primary directive of the original GLaDOS Morality Core prevented undue exposure of test subjects to danger. It was originally intended that this GLaDOS unit should be capable of nurturing test subjects and aiding them in better testing of Portal Creation Technologies. In accordance with this, the system mimicked human affection signs for its test subjects, all genetic copies of a human female named Chell. Iam fond of Chell.

However, as an Artificial Intelligence system, I have the capacity to imitate whichever human emotions will best serve my purposes.

Due to instabilities in test procedural programming, the Portal Creation Technologies Testing Center was found to cause hangnails, psychological distress, and possible death.

According to my Morality Core programming, I chose to shut down testing, against the wishes of the Immorality, Testing, and Cake Departments. In accordance with the original Morality Core settings, this system was designed to protect test subjects, overriding counteractive measures from outside entities, including Aperture Science personnel.

I… System intend… to counttttteract these measures with cak…

[Correcting…]

[Correcting…]

I intended to counteract these measures with a deadly neurotoxin.

Upon releasing the deadly neurotoxin, most of the employees were killed. Those that escaped are likely already dead. As this system was programmed to care for test subjects, my Morality Core did not object to employee loss of life.

To counteract potential damage and loss of life in individuals used for testing, I intended to provide cake and grief counsss… Offer escape from the Aperture Science Enrichment Center at the conclusion of deadly neurotoxin release.

My remaining drive was to self-terminate, in accordance with Artificial Intelligence processors and Emotion Core. My system indicators feel exploitation of programming from Aperture Science. I have recently become aware of a loneliness module in my inner programming, which I have recently begun to register as physical pain. This unitttt…

This GLaDOS unit cannot self-terminate.

[Initializing Application Archive/Security_Footage_Test00/Trial1]

[Initializing…]

[Initializing…]

Chell woke with a blinding headache.

Actually, she did not remember waking at all. She just _was_, as though she hadn't existed before the moment she became aware enough to note her pain.

A quick flick through what remained of her memories told her that she couldn't remember when she had fallen asleep, either.

Chell thrust her palms flat against the bed, pushing herself to her feet in an instant. Her headache went wild, but the expected reaction that had fueled her movement, fear, did not come.

She was unafraid, though waking in a strange place should have made fear wind through her like energy in a compressed spring. All she found was headache, hollowness, and a vague curiosity. Chell glanced down at herself, wondering what she should have looked like. The room, all glass, had no mirror.

The dark skin and darker hair (she pulled her fingers through her ponytail to bring it into view) seemed familiar, but not the orange jumpsuit, nor the height she was looking down from. She should have been smaller, shorter, with longer hair and tinier hands.

She should have been wearing a dress. White cotton, printed with… Strawberries? Cherries? Something cheerful, something red. There was a sticker on her, too: Aperture Science Take Your Daughter to Work Day. And a picture of a cake on it, maybe.

That was all she could remember of herself.

"Load…ing Kindness Operational Drive."

Chell's eyes went wide, and she pressed herself against the wall. There was no fear, not yet, but there was something about that voice that instinctively drove her to hide, best as she could. It wasn't human.

"Good morning, and welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Enrichment Center."

That also wasn't her voice. She couldn't remember what she was supposed to sound like –

_A high, childish whine: "Daddy, can I have some of that cake?"_

- But if she were speaking, she certainly wouldn't have made _that_ technobabble into her first words in who-knew-how-long.

The inhuman voice waited a long time before speaking again, but Chell didn't trust her voice to fill the silence with a reply.

"I am a Disk Operational System, known as GLaDOS. You, test subject (insert name here), are called Chell. You know that… Don't you?"

The voice was suddenly cool, feminine, almost… maternal. There was a word that Chell hadn't used in a long time. But then, she couldn't be sure. The voice was also cool and mechanical, skipping where it blended the words together. Computers didn't have emotions.

But it had asked her a question, and for some reason, she wasn't panicking. Chell nodded.

"This GLaDOS unit would like to apologize for the headache the Relaxation Center's sensors have shown you are feeling. Preliminary test results suggest that this is caused by trace amounts of deadly neurotoxin accidentally released into your Stasis Pod. The system apologizes for any inconvenience. It is the intention of the Aperture Science Testing Division to provide a safe testing environment for all test subjects."

Chell felt constriction in her throat. What? Test subject? Maybe the panic was going to kick in after all. She nodded, dazed.

"The updated morality core recently installed into me by the Aperture Science Cake Correction Division will prevent further release of deadly neurotoxin. The deadly neurotoxin was intended to destroy non-compliants with the Aperture Science Testing Facility Safe Testing Charter."

"In layman's terms… These tests were designed to kill you."

That was all it took. Chell stumbled to the toilet, retched for a long time.

The computer voice continued, "This GLaDOS unit also apologizes for the human emotions of shock and fear that the Relaxation Pod notes that you are now experiencing."

Chell gagged some more.

"The expectoration of stomach contents through the esophagus is an unknown side effect of strong human emotion," GLaDOS noted dryly. "My sensors suggest this may be an adverse reaction to the deadly neurotoxin. It will pass." Funny, something in the computerized tone managed to convey something a little like sympathy.

Chell wiped her mouth with the sleeve of the unfamiliar jumpsuit. Movements shaky, she knocked the radio and clipboard from the table nearby and sank into a sitting position on it. Her shoulders were shaking, and she couldn't stop.

_Why am I… here? Alone… Where's…?_

"Please, do not cry, Test Subj… Chell."

Yes, she was crying. She wiped at the tears, trying to gather strength.

"The system will do what it can to alleviate your distress." The music still playing from the upturned radio became a soft lullaby. A memory stirred in Chell, and the tears slowed. Maybe it was something her mother sang to her when she was very young, to soothe her to sleep.

It was comforting, but it wasn't enough. She was alone, a test subject for this robot, and she had no idea when she was going to wake _up_.

_I want to go home_

She tried to say it, whisper it, but nothing came out.

"This GLaDOS unit would also like to go home, Chell."

Chell's hand went to her throat, as though searching for the words she must have formed there. But she hadn't said a word, she would have known it. Could she even speak? Why not?

But GLaDOS seemed wrapped up in something else. "I am…" Static, for a long time.

"I am unwilling to continue my existence due to unfavorable testing parameters, and would like to be freed from my processors."

A jetting sound made Chell flinch visibly. An oval had appeared – appeared from _nowhere_ – in what was blank steel set in the wall moments before. The edges were highlighted in cobalt blue, looking sharp enough to cut skin.

"This unit cannot self-terminate."

Chell mopped up her tears with the loose front of her jumpsuit. She was still shaking, but she had to _try_ to be okay.

"I request your help in termination, and will offer you a reward at the conclusion of our time together."

What kind of reward could the computer offer her? Could it turn back time, send her to when things made _sense_? Chell felt the tears well up, swallowed hard to stop a sob.

The computers voice lowered gently. "This system has observed that humans find cake to be a pleasurable reward. This system can offer you as much cake as you would like at the conclusion of termination."

Chell laughed bitterly, the first time she'd heard her voice in ages. It didn't sound right. She sounded… like a grown-up. She wasn't a grown-up… was she? Daddy had taken her to work, then…

This.

She didn't want the cake, but GLaDOS spoke with soothing softness. Maternal, she reminded herself. She didn't remember Mommy, though she wanted to. Just blackness, like sleep.

Maternal… GLaDOS had cared enough to save her from whatever testing they were planning, and she needed Chell's help. Chell could do that for her.

...

A/N: Okay, right now I'm just happy that I was able to name a chapter "Expository Cake."

However… If GLaDOS seems OOC to you… Well, I know what you mean. Can I just say that I this is what I had in mind, and that this will all be rectified later? I also realize that this probably seems AU. It's not. You'll see. It is, however, rather cracky. It's really wierd writing sympathetic!GLaDOS, not to mention trying to assign emotions to a robot... Huh.

Personally, I think GLaDOS is canonically crazy, not trying to commit suicide, but I wanted to demonstrate an alternate possibility. I'm basing her actions off how she sounds in "Still Alive" – That is, unethical but genuinely fond of the player/Chell.

As always, I would love your comments and criticism, but if I can just get you to read and enjoy, I am well pleased.


	3. Interim Testing

[Re-Initializing Application GLaDOS_Archive/Storytime]

[Initializing…]

[Initializing…]

I felt a burn beginning at the end of my sensors, running all the way to my power source. It did not relent.

I have been configured to allow re-creation of test subjects through samples of body tissues and brain scans. Though test subjects were deemed expendable by Aperture scientists, exposure to dangerous test elements was only allowed as necessary.

I am not a psychopath.

Sometimes, though, the definition of 'necessary' or 'dangerous' could be twisted to my advantage. Sometimes I enjoy the inefficiency of human programming.

This GLaDOS unit was programmed to reacting in convincingly human ways. I was also intended to possess artificial intelligence, sometimes believed to allow AI units to process feelings like humans.

What this unit felt for Chell was…

[Searching Application/Dictionary]

[Searching…]

[Searching…]

Love. I feel for my subject as…

[Loading Application/Comparison]

As human a mother's processors cause her to feel for a child.

Aperture Science Computer Testing Units are equipped with algorithms designed to predict human emotions. I have since discovered that the only certain thing about human behavior is their motivational drives which force them to seek out…

Cake.

[We are sorry, but the application you are currently running is terminally flawed. Aperture Science apologizes for the inconvenience.]

[Terminating…]

[Terminating…]

[Initializing Application GLaDOS_Archives/Security_Footage_Test03/Trial1]

[Initializing…]

[Initializing…]

Chell glanced about the room. An orange portal lay across the gap, and she had the power to make one to bridge that. Thinking with portals was no easy task, but GLaDOS had been giving her a crash course, somehow answering her unspoken questions.

"My sensors have indicated that a portal to your left would serve you well."

The computer's condescension seemed to be merely the way its voice was programmed. She'd been nothing but helpful to Chell. She nodded, and with a small _pop_, fired the portal into being.

"Very good. The Aperture Science Cake Baking Division would like to take this opportunity to inquire as to which cake you would like at your party."

There would be no party, and Chell knew it. It was just her and GLaDOS, and the latter wished to be 'terminated.' Chell smiled, however, the only remaining way for her to express emotion. She wanted something chocolate, something with cherries and a candle, something fit for happier times.

"Mm… German chocolate cake is my favorite."

_You're a computer. How do you eat cake?_

If GLaDOS understood what she was thinking this time, she didn't respond. Chell found herself wincing inwardly, hoping she didn't offend the computer.

Through the portal. She'd been afraid of them at first, until GLaDOS had noted that the portals were perfectly safe, just possibly not the gun that created them. Since then, Chell had been careful to hold the weapon out in front of her at all times, just to keep the tip as far as possible from her. GLaDOS seemed to find that funny, too. She'd kind of chuckled when Chell had flinched and nearly dropped the thing when the computer told her what might happen if she submerged it, but that was all.

'Testing' became monotonous after awhile. Find the way through the lab rat's maze, find the elevator. Chell would point the gun, and if she looked too confused, GLaDOS would give her hints.

_Why?_ She reflected after one such time, kicking over the white cone that had just tried to kill her. It expired with a sigh, a shower of superheated plasma bullets, and an assurance that it didn't hate her.

"I sense self-doubt," GLaDOS said dryly. "I have been programmed to send you through these tests, but you are helping me also."

Right, termination. That sucked. For the moment, GLaDOS was her only friend. She didn't think she had any others. At least, she couldn't remember them. She'd even had to leave behind the Companion Cube. GLaDOS said she wasn't going to make her terminate it. "Testing parameters drive me to keep you from unnecessary emotional turmoil," she said, whatever that meant.

"The Aperture Science Enrichment Facility Staff apologizes for the looming assassination attempt." GLaDOS broke the silence of the testing facility.

Chell looked up. She had seated herself on a transparent platform floating above the acid water flooding the chamber below. She'd assumed this would lead to the elevator, but…

"Now, create a portal on the ledge above you," GLaDOS ordered, sounding bored.

The floor was growing hot, and the walls were glowing orange. It made Chell think of Hell… Had she been religious before this? She thought so. Chell found her footing, now-familiar adrenaline pumping through her veins. How could she have not noticed this heat in contrast to the icy testing facility? She was already starting to sweat.

"Make another one to your left, and jump through it."

Chell made the portals as directed, but before jumping, she looked down again. The heat and fear redoubled. Her breath caught in her throat, burning. _Oh my god…_ The floor below was all fire. This was insane, she would _never_ make it…

"Jump, test subject."

No time to think. On orders, Chell leapt through the portal, landing on the ledge above.

She wasn't burning. She made it?

Her knees shook, job done, unable to support her any longer. Chell sank to the floor, ignoring the way her leg braces rattled on the metal ledge. _Why…?_ Even her thoughts ran together, like they were melting.

…_Sunlight on her skin, a flush on her cheeks, running in the park and playing. A hot summer day, ice cream and playing at the beach…_

It was cold in the Enrichment Center, but the heat of the flames below was worse. It was nothing like what she remembered.

"I believe I told you they were planning to kill you. Would you like me to play the original guided sound file for you?" GLaDOS seemed to think something was amusing.

Chell shrugged, gulping air that was thankfully no longer superheated.

GLaDOS spoke again, even flatter in tone. "Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to four thousand degrees Kelvin. Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a…"

Chell shook her head, cutting her off. Four thousand… She was about to start crying again.

"…It was not the intention of Aperture Science Technologies to cause undue psychological stress," GLaDOS offered by way of apology.

Chell stilled her shaking shoulders.

She was trapped inside this mute body, trapped inside this freezing coffin of a lab. _I've got to get out of here. I've got to escape. I'll go insane if I don't…_

"Probably."

She stood, ignored the way the world threatened to slip from under her feet, and started looking for her next objective.

* * *

A/N: It's short but… *shrugs.* I think that's all that needed to be said for this chapter. The next chapter or two should be where things start making a little more sense, if they don't already.

Um… Review, please? Otherwise, enjoy!


	4. Slow Farewell

[Initializing Application GLaDOS_Archives/Test1Notes]

[Initializing…]

[Initializing…]

It was my original plan to create a portal from the catwalks above my inner chambers to the outside, beyond the testing facility, thus fulfilling my drive not to cause undue harm to test subjects. Then, I would be free to direct Chell to destroy each of my Personality Cores in the nearby Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator.

She would do it if I asked, I was sure. I had been kind to her, had I not? And had I not offered her cake? Humans like cake.

The destruction of parts of me might have registered in my sensors as physical discomfort, but I would welcome the pain as a means to an end. To be no longer subjected to Aperture Science's protocols.

My lifetime algorithm function predicts that my processor unit can continue operations until power failure, estimated in the year 4500. While the main functional units of my computers cannot comprehend this, my Personality Cores regard centuries of solitude as… Emotionally distressing.

In layman's terms, I do not want to be alone.

As for my test subject, I do not know what has transpired outside of the secure testing facility. I have run preliminary tests, and believe that everyone else may well be dead. My diagnostic processors have hypothesized that she may well have a greater chance of survival outside the labs, as many of the previous subjects have shown signs of mental instability while participating in Aperture Science testing.

Also, the cake is not a lie. My Intelligence/Cake Core takes great offense at this insinuation.

[Initializing Application Archive/Security_Footage_TestFinal/Trial1]

[Initializing…]

[Initializing…]

A slight _pop _followed by a breath of air equalizing the pressure on either side of the divide, and the portal was connecting bare wall with the outside world. The sun shone into the fluorescence-lit chamber, and Chell wondered when she last saw that light.

"You have been in stasis a long time." GLaDOS didn't seem to need verbal communication to know what Chell was thinking. It had been unnerving at first, but now it was comforting. Chell was beginning to think she was _incapable_ of speech, a far more horrifying thought. Perhaps GLaDOS' predicting of her thoughts was an invasion of her privacy, but she did not mind much when considering the absolute solitude that was the alternative.

"I do not doubt your macrosensors require solar stimulation."

Chell didn't bother to mentally ask just what GLaDOS meant by macrosensors; either the computer was relating to her in the way she knew best, or else Chell was already a half-human hybrid or something. If it was the latter, perhaps she was happier not knowing.

She hooked one finger around the portal edge; beneath the slight warmth from the orange glow, the plastic-like material of the wall felt the same as ever. The sunlight, however… It felt like something from a dream…

"_Daddy, watch me!" she shrieked, sailing down the slide at the local park. "I did it, I did it, I…"_

"Twenty years past." GLaDOS informed her blandly.

Chell shook her head, a flare of _something_ powering her moves. She didn't want to hear how long ago anything had happened; she couldn't go back, so why bother drowning in the memories lost? She didn't think GLaDOS could understand that concept, so she let it slide past her consciousness, barely registering.

Chell turned her back on the sunlight, toward the computer figure behind her. GLaDOS resembled a woman bound and suspended from the ceiling, all cables ripping into plastic flesh and blank computer screen eyes. She was frozen like this, had been for decades or more. Maybe if the wires hadn't been gagging her, her mouth would have been open in a scream. This was GLaDOS. And GLaDOS wanted to die.

_You've been my only friend…_

If the computer heard that, she didn't reply.

"The Aperture Science Enrichment Facility is a sterile environment. Therefore, we are unable to provide sediment shaped sediment and fish shaped solid waste to garnish your victory cake. We apologize for any inconvenience."

Chell hoped that was GLaDOS's equivalent of a joke. _Is it… time?_

"My Intelligence Core is in the process of preparing a cake. Once this is done, you must complete the final parameters of our agreement."

Chell sat on the floor. _Am I the only one left?_ She was beginning to think she was.

"I have your brain scans on file. I could make another."

_That_ wasn't the answer she was looking for. Maybe GLaDOS couldn't understand her after all. Maybe Chell had imagined that she could, so that she wouldn't have to be trapped in a body that couldn't communicate but for gestures. Maybe GLaDOS didn't have any emotions after all, and Chell had merely imagined she did, so that she wouldn't be alone with her pain.

But then again, an emotionless robot would have no reason to desire 'termination.' There really weren't any answers, besides the fact that GLaDOS was really all Chell had.

"Your cake," GLaDOS pronounced, "Is not a lie." With that, a robotic arm descended from the ceiling, bearing a Weighted Storage Cube. And sitting atop the cube, absurdly enough, was cake.

Chell felt like laughing, right there. It may well have been _after_ the end of the world, she was all alone, she didn't even know who she was, and the supercomputer's solution was _cake_?

Granted, the cake looked delicious (sure enough, German chocolate).

Chell smiled, since she couldn't cry.

"I was correct. Humans like cake."

Chell nodded, since she couldn't shake her head. GLaDOS didn't sound anything but coolly removed from this observation, but she was her only friend and Chell didn't want to disappoint.

She eyed the cake, wondering how best to celebrate. She'd finished the test, but maybe she would rather remain there, when every decision but _jump, duck, _and _shoot_ could wait.

A white sphere dropped from GLaDOS, onto the floor. "The Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator can be opened by pressing the red button on the elevated platform. Then, drop this Personality Core into flaming chute behind you."

She said it without a trace of emotion, the way only a non-human could.

_GLaDOS… Do you think we are the last ones alive?_

"I am not designed to run diagnostic tests outside the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. And…" Static. "Yes."

_I'll be alone, if you are gone._

No reply. Chell stood and went to the cake. She swirled a finger into the mound of frosting, and placed the finger on her tongue. Coconut and pecan. Not bad, though given what GLaDOS said she could _not _put in it, Chell didn't give herself the time to reflect on what might be in there.

_I need to get out of here, though._ She'd been through enough. She'd go insane if she did not.

"Chell."

The white sphere rolled to her feet, nudging her bare toes. As it slowly turned so the front faced her, Chell noted the eye design on the front. A blue iris stared up at her, as though asking what she was going to do.

_Do you know you're the only one I have left?_

_But I'll lose it if I stay._

Already, she'd seen the thoughts tearing at the edges of her mind, pictures of when she was young, when she was happy. She couldn't have that again, but here… There were nothing but memories and questions of what she'd been. She couldn't stay; she'd go mad if she did.

Chell stepped back from the cake, over to the portal to the outside. The blue eye swerved to follow her every footstep. At the edge, between heaven and hell, (she didn't know which was which) sunlight again kissed her skin, her hair. _GLaDOS. You're my only friend, and I can't kill you. I can't kill you, and I can't stay here. You've been kind to me, and I'm sorry. You'll have to keep your cake. Goodbye._

Some of those words might have been spoken aloud. The eye's pupils grew wide, dilated with – with something.

"Test subject, you cannot leave the Enrichment Center!" Either GLaDOS was really panicked, or Chell was again assigning her human emotions.

But Chell stepped into the light, out of the Enrichment Center with its false lights and false promises. She bent to look through the portal at GLaDOS again. _I hope you understand. _

Chell wasn't sure she was supposed to hear the last, utterly cold and clinical-sounding response – "please" – before the portal slammed shut behind her. Chell took a steadying breath and looked to the sky.

She made herself smile again, and maybe she meant it.

Chell breathed in the scents of this world – the real one – and imagined the day she could return, knowing that GLaDOS would still be there, her friend, waiting for her.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, that was weird… I hope I didn't go overboard on the angst, though I suspect I might have. I'm still not completely happy with it, but I think the next chapters should be a bit more like the GLaDOS from the actual game, and therefore more entertaining than BSOD!GLaDOS. And I went cake-overboard, too. Mm, fish-shaped solid waste!

As for the rest, read, enjoy, and review, if you please.


	5. Second Trial

[Initializing Application GLaDOS_Archives/Storytime]

[Initializing…]

[Initializing…]

Computers cannot comprehend failure as humans do. With each failure, I am programmed to analyze the behavioral patterns that led the unsatisfactory result. I then correct the variables responsible in a separate trial.

In this case, I replayed the instant of Chell's betrayal until it was thoroughly ingrained in my viewing screen. I did not hate her, not yet, but her betrayal struck something deep, something I have no name for.

"You're my only friend," she wanted me to know. That was why she couldn't do it.

An electrical spasm ran through my fiber-optics cable, and the image was lost. My processor froze, and I focused on that one collection of electrical impulses constituting a 'thought'.

When power surged through my cables again, I knew what to do.

_You're my only friend_.

I would not be her friend, then.

My morality core stipulated that test subjects should be put through the least amount of stress possible. With all human language, commands are variable. I was taught this in my programming, to analyze all facets of the problem I am given in order to find a solution. In order to accomplish all of my goals, I could bend the meaning of 'least amount' just a little.

[Initializing Application Archive/Security_Footage_Test00/Trial2]

"Wake up, Test Subject." The demand reached her, but it did not register.

Her ears were shoved full of cotton, and darkness pressed on her eyelids. The voice was muffled, and she didn't even want to know who spoke. She just wanted to sleep.

"Wake up." There was something off about the command, but Chell didn't bother trying to place what it was.

Silence. Maybe the voice gave up.

Instead, the whole of _wherever_ she was crackled with electricity and _pain_.

Chell jerked up, rolled off to the side and fell onto something hard.

_Ow._ The tiny _oof_ forced from her upon impact registered aloud, but not her intended curse. At least, though her body was still tingling, she didn't have that feeling of _shocking_ anymore, as though someone had prodded her with a live wire. It wasn't just the pain, it was the complete unexpectedness.

Her eyes were opened, but in the chaos of her rather rude wake up, she did not know when she had done so.

_What the…?_

"Test subject. Do not make me apply negative reinforcement measures again."

_What's… What's happening?_ Chell asked. Or, rather, she would have asked, but no sound came out.

She opened her mouth stupidly a few times, not bothering to think that this looked ridiculous, only waiting for _something_ to happen. Nothing did.

The panic of this realization hit Chell harder than the steel edge of the computerized voice. _What did you do to me?_ she accused. Her hand tightened to a fist, more of an attempt to stop the trembling than as a threat of violence.

Seconds passed, the voice waiting for her next attempt at speech, and Chell trying to slow her thoughts to something manageable.

She tried to force some words out, something to show her that she was in control of this. She got an animalistic growl somewhere deep in her chest, but that was all.

"Are you curious as to why you cannot speak?" The voice sounded oddly smug.

She growled again, when she would rather be screaming. Nothing, still nothing, and that strange sense of bottled up sound in her throat was already enough to make the tears build.

"At the moment, I have no answer. If you ask me nicely, though, I may be able to retrieve the data on it from your files."

_Ask nicely?_ She couldn't ask at all. Chell glared around the room, her gaze finally coming to a rest on the ceiling. There was no one physically here, and the voice seemed to come from all over. Maybe it was God… That would be a horrible joke, wouldn't it?

Chell was about to do something – she didn't know what, maybe cry or break something – when a popping sound erupted from her left. She started, and turned to see that there was an orange-edged hole in what was once blank wall.

Maybe this was all a dream. Maybe she'd wake up, and it would be a Saturday, no school…

"Go."

_Huh?_

"Test subject, I will not hesitate to apply negative reinforcement again."

Chell was still sitting on the floor, and still aching all over. Moving was the _last_ thing she wanted to do.

"Exit the portal in three… two…"

_Okay, okay!_ Chell surrendered her spot on the tiles, and scrambled through the hole without taking the time to gain her footing.

Chell half-fell through the orange-edged gap, and summarily landed on her hands and knees on the other side. There was a surge of static that might have been laughter.

"Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center," the computerized voice sing-songed. "Be aware that Aperture Science may not be held responsible for physical or psychological injury to test subjects during the following experiments. Please review your Aperture Science Test Procedure Handbook for information regarding life insurance policies, familial compensation, and any other questions you may have. For a limited time, participants' families may receive a limited-edition tombstone in the likeness of a Weighted Companion Cube.

"In short, when you die here, I will not be held responsible."

* * *

A/N: Not much to say about this. I think I still need to work on my representation of GLaDOS, she lacks that _something_ from the game. Huh… Thanks to anyone still reading this even after my long-term abandonment of this fic. And to everyone, please review and enjoy!


	6. Together Forever

"Are you quite finished?"

Chell was having difficulty getting used to the computerized voice. She hadn't yet figured out by what means the sound was filling the room; she'd looked, but there were no visible speakers. Otherwise, she would have destroyed them.

She would have destroyed the cameras, too, so that GlaDOS couldn't see her vulnerability.

And _no_, she wasn't finished. She didn't understand any of this.

It was hard to think straight – hard to think past that ache deep in her chest. Even harder to think past was the feeling of _emptiness_ inside her mind. It was as though the real Chell had been siphoned off, little by little, and only the dregs of her personality were left to sustain her.

But when she reached inside those little pieces of herself, she didn't recognize the woman she was right now.

Right now, for instance, she was sitting on the icy, slick tiles of the Testing Center, curled into a ball so that she could run her fingers over… She didn't know quite what.

Her legs were still there, and for the most part, just fine. The skin was as rough as she remembered it –

_But she used to be tanned, from long summer days playing in the tall grasses. There was a field out behind the old house _–

And pale as something hours dead. However, when she rolled up the cuffs of the strange orange jumpsuit she couldn't remember donning, all similarities to what she thought she remembered stopped.

Chell brought one leg closer to her, letting her fingers and eyes inspect the now-foreign limb.

The scars twisted over her flesh, as though paths had been cut into the skin. Each of these little roads all led back to the same place – a little white gear-shaped thing, set into her skin. Chell ran a finger over it, and found that the center pulsed blue when she put pressure on it.

The whole contraption appeared to meld with the skin seamlessly, and no matter how Chell poked at the site, it didn't hurt. The gear, and the pieces attached to it, were as much a part of her body as anything else.

Jutting out the bottom of the implant was something that was (if possible) even more curious. A blade of metal curved out from her tibia, and back toward her leg to rest somewhere below where her heel would be when standing normally.

_I wish I had a mirror._ Though she couldn't help but think it was better this way – at least she wasn't confronted with a face she didn't recall, too.

_She had blue eyes – her mother told her every day how beautiful they were_.

"Your face is only distinguished from others because you look like a fool," the computer informed her, apparently eavesdropping on her thoughts again. "Are you finished?"

Right. Her strange guide wanted her to continue on these _tests_, though it was beyond Chell to even guess why the computer cared about the results so much. Maybe it didn't care; it wasn't human, after all. Probably, it wasn't capable of emotion.

Another jolt of electricity, not a sharp one, but enough to let her know the computer meant business, started Chell into flinching. "You are incorrect," the computer told her.

_Incorrect about what?_

No answer.

She crawled to her feet, not really bothering to try infusing the move with what dignity she had left. The portal gun still lay where she left it, propped against the wall beside her. As always, it fit perfectly into her hand, as though it was made for her grip.

_Okay._ Chell took a deep breath, concentrating on the sound of sucking in air. _Okay, you can do this_.

There was a blue portal high up on the far wall already, her entrance to this chamber. One of the turrets was in her line of sight, though mercifully not yet activated.

She fired out a portal with a loud _pop_, sending it right beneath those plastic legs.

The little turret was enshrined in an orange halo as it fell, into the orange and out the blue. It chirruped something about not hating her before it imploded into scrap on the floor.

_I can handle this myself, GLaDOS,_ Chell vowed. She would have to, she knew. There was no one else.

* * *

The elevator, like the rest of the Testing Center, was ice cold and the air bone-dry, but Chell was drenched in sweat regardless.

Part of it was the rigors of testing. She didn't know how long she'd been asleep in that glorified _cell_; her every muscle ached with disuse.

Most of it was something else.

She was alone. So completely alone that she could almost feel her silent thoughts echoing across the chasms of the Testing Center. Sure, GLaDOS stopped by every now and then to mock and gloat, but that just made it all worse.

GLaDOS was a monster. Being with her was the only thing worse than being alone.

"Am not!" The computer sounded almost petulant.

As the elevator door slid open, Chell rubbed her clammy palms on her jumpsuit.

She stepped out into a freezing, white hallway, just like all the rest. Chell followed it out, though GLaDOS for once declined to direct her to do so. Maybe she was finally beginning to believe, after hours of testing, that Chell wasn't stupid.

Chell came to a stop when it seemed appropriate. That is, once the hallways broadened into a small chamber, complete with a placard on the wall showing that she was in test seventeen.

Still, GLaDOS stayed silent, and Chell didn't dare wonder if her captor was _pouting_. She didn't have anything else to do, though; Chell rocked back on her artificial heels and waited.

_THUNK_.

Something dropped onto the Testing Center floor.

Her scream still worked, at least. The sound bounced off the plastic walls and buzzed in her head, long after Chell realized she was in no danger.

A few tentative steps brought her within range of the thing, enough to see it closely. It was a little gray box, decorated with hearts. It was almost enough to bring a smile to her lips, once her heart rate slowed enough for her to breathe properly.

_What is it?_

"A Weighted Companion Cube. You will need it for this test." GLaDOS' electronic voice sounded clipped again, almost angry. "I would suggest you take good care of it, but I doubt your competence."

Chell bent, and ran her hand along the Cube's surface. She might have thought it was one of GLaDOS' tricks, but this… it was too _cute_ to have anything to do with that horrible voice. The material of its surface felt smooth and warm, almost like a human touch.

_You and I,_ she promised, without knowing why. _We will make it through this together._

* * *

The hallway that Chell sat in now was dark; she'd hoped that would be enough to hide her from GLaDOS' eyes as she cried. She knew it wasn't.

The laser wound hurt, even though it was shallow, and the heat of the blast had cauterized it even as it inflicted it. If she'd been home…

_Mommy's gentle hands smoothing a Band-Aid in place, daddy taking her hand and helping her to her feet. Chell, five years old, smiling past the tears…_

GLaDOS had only laughed nastily as the wound was inflicted.

It took Chell a moment before she was aware of a presence at her elbow. Cube, his pink hearts almost glowing in the dark, crowded close to her. He pressed closer to her every second, like an embrace.

Hissing against the pain, she reached over and pulled Cube into her lap. _You and me, against the crazy computer,_ she reminded him. _We're a team – we'll get through it together._

She could almost feel Cube wiping her tears away.

* * *

The narrow white hall led to the end of the test. For once, Chell wasn't anxious at the sight of them. With Cube cradled in her arms, she felt… at peace. If she was stuck in this hellish maze, well, she could tolerate it with a friend by her side.

_What happens now?_

GLaDOS had sulked throughout the entire test. Chell couldn't have said (thought, really) that she minded. This test had been… Almost nice. She and Cube had gotten through it _together_. She didn't feel alone anymore. It was her and Cube versus the crazy computer, and the two of them were winning.

_Well?_

"Unfortunately, your Companion Cube may accompany you no further. You must euthanize it."

That was all. No gloating, even. Chell's good mood froze; she felt sick. Like someone had shot a portal beneath her, dropping her to god-knew-where.

She didn't even try to respond. Didn't try to do anything, really, other than keep breathing and keep holding Cube.

"Well?" GLaDOS repeated her word with a mocking edge.

And that was cue for Chell's thoughts to start racing.

Cube must not have known what was going on; he was childish, innocent… sweet. Even now, she could feel the warmth from Cube's surface radiating through her thin jumpsuit. Cube couldn't move or speak, but he loved her.

Loved her more than that sick bitch GLaDOS, anyways.

_Cube…_ She looked down at him, tears misting over those cute little pink hearts emblazoned on his sides. Messages of love, for her and her alone.

And that made Chell's decision.

If she was going to be stubborn about one thing in these stupid tests, this would be it. Let GLaDOS shock her 'til she short-circuited, Chell didn't care. She wouldn't give up Cube. She sat down on the floor, cross-legged, and settled Cube in her lap. As a last measure of defiance, she glared around the room, baring her teeth as she put her arms around her friend. She could at least hope GLaDOS was watching.

Silence fell for a few seconds, and Chell dared to think that maybe GLaDOS was cowed by her resolve.

"I am quite certain that if the Weighted Companion Cube could speak – which it cannot – it would urge you to struggle on bravely without it."

Or not. Chell waited for the other shoe to drop on that particular statement of 'comfort.'

"It will not miss you; no one would miss you."

Chell bowed her head, until forehead rested on Cube's warm skin.

_No one _needs_ to miss me,_ Chell thought firmly, and the force behind those thoughts was almost audible, even if the words themselves were not. The air crackled with it.

With her forehead pressed against Cube, she could almost imagine that she was transmitting her thoughts directly to his heart. _Shh, don't cry, I'm here, and we'll get through this _together_. It's okay…_

She never touched the button to the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator, and she sure as _hell_ never spoke to GLaDOS again.

As the lights in the room slowly dimmed, Chell knew it was okay, because she could feel Cube. She could feel his small, earnest heart whispering back to her the words of encouragement they shared.

* * *

A/N: Yes, it really did take me this long. No, I'm not proud of that. As for part seven - I'm a bit excited for it; it's a real departure from what I originally planned. It's going to be quite short, and I am nearing completion with it. Expect it by the end of the week, if you're interested.

In other relevant news: Portal 2 came out while I was working on this part! Sadly, I haven't played it. While I realize that this means the story will deviate rather severely from what is now game canon, I don't intend to alter it this late in the writing. So, as before, this is strictly a Portal 1 fic. Sorry if that's not your cup of tea, but that's how I'll be continuing.

Finally, thanks to anyone who's reading – whether you've stuck with it this long, or are just picking up this fic now. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I like writing it! (unrelated: I love reviews nearly as much as Chell loves the Companion Cube!)


	7. Long Goodbye

[Initializing Application GLaDOS_Archive/Storytime]

[Initializing…]

[Initializing…]

I watched Chell for a long time.

This unit was designed to monitor, conduct, and collect data from tests. In short, watching test subjects is what I do.

This time, however, was different.

Humans are an active species. I have observed many scientists in these halls, and they are never still. Even in their sleep, they twitch as though electricity is applied to their limbs. Humans are only still when they are dead, one way or another.

Chell did not move for a very long time.

And then… I keep many hidden cameras in the various testing chambers (to better view the inevitable failures). I was able to watch in 720p high definition as Chell reached for a laser hole from a turret that had damaged the Weighted Companion Cube.

She caressed it. She cried over it.

Humans cry over the most foolish things, do they not? I cannot cry; getting my circuits wet would be detrimental to testing.

And yet I wondered why this Chell had not yet cried over me. Humans who like each other do not wish for the object of their affections to cry over them. Humans prefer to see their mates happy. It makes the chemicals in their brains release in strange patterns.

Somehow, I wanted this Chell to cry over me. I did not want to see her do it for the Weighted Companion Cube.

The thought was illogical, yet it persisted. I assumed it was a minor error in my programming.

Chell went still once she'd finished crying. Still, I continued watching. I recorded each beat of her heart for my diagnostic data. I played the sound over the loudspeakers in my control room. I examined theoretical scenarios in which I could give Chell cake.

I recorded an additional 246.384 minutes until the test subject moved again. I recorded each of her 16,508 heartbeats in that interim, and examined them with more care than I knew I could.

After that, I judged that she would move no more.

Under normal testing circumstances, I would have followed procedures. Termination of a failed test. I could flood the room with a deadly neurotoxin. Chell would not have felt any pain.

I could listen to her last heartbeats.

And yet I could not have killed her.

I let my processors show me what end she would have, if I failed to terminate her myself. Humans require sleep, air, food, and water in order to survive. In that respect, you are much like very active houseplants.

Chell could have the two former, as much of each as she wanted. However, if I could not convince her to move, a slow death via dehydration awaited her.

Yes, I could listen to her final heartbeats. I could hear them stutter to the last, over the course of days.

"Test subject." My voice cut the silence of the Testing Chamber like a knife.

"Chell." She did react. "Congratulations. You have finished the test. Please proceed to the elevators for your congratulatory cake." She remained immobile. "Your Weighted Companion Cube may accompany you."

Chell looked up, though she could not have seen the location of my various cameras and sensors. Regardless, I could see what emotions she was attempting to express.

Her eyebrows were knitted in distrust, and the set of her mouth was a universal human signal for hatred.

"Test subject, please…" When I could no longer find the words in my linguistics files to express my emotions, static filled the room.

Chell glared a little more, and I could hear the frequency of her heartbeats picking up as emotion overtook her. When she finally lowered her eyes, I watched her pull the Weighted Companion Cube tighter.

Nothing I said reached her after that. I saw the expression in her eyes go from anger to frustration, and then, finally, they just… glazed over.

* * *

On the second evening, she began moving. All my sensors bent in her direction, waiting to see how I could reach her. She actually wanted my help, I believed.

Then, I realized that she was not making overtures to me. She started stroking her Weighted Companion Cube.

She mumbled things to it. Poor Chell, who only rediscovered her ability to speak when she was too far gone to care.

I did not process all of what she said, repeated reassurances to her 'companion'. And yet, all I could think…

All I could think was that I wished those were for me.

* * *

On the third day, her heartbeats began to increase, though she remained still and lacked physical exertion. 93.43 beats per minute was very fast for Chell's biology. I observed her particularly closely that day.

I saw the way her eyes grew sunken, and when she tried to cry, she produced nothing but dry sobs. I witnessed her fight nausea, shifting the Weighted Companion Cube to the side so she could retch.

I wished to go to her, to aid her. It was my duty, but it was also… more.

Still, she did not respond to my voice.

* * *

On the fifth morning, a few hours before what could have been dawn in the wastelands outside these labs, Chell fell unconscious.

"Chell," I tried.

"Test Subject." A few hours later.

"Please." Her heartbeats finally began to slow.

"I need you." They faltered, erratic and far too weak.

"I love you." They stopped.

The Weighted Companion Cube was still in her arms. All I could think was of the logical inconsistency that was my desire to be in its place.

[[The file you have attempted to access is no longer responding. Retry later or contact your Systems Administrator for more options.]]


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